this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
