Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
