I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
