Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
