my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
