are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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