I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
