I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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