I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
PANTIES FOUND
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
