how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
