Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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