I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
