Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
