I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
