Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
