He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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