Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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