Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
