why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
