ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
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