I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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