what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You've changed since you got that strap on
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
