I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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