I have demons in me.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
so much tequila, so little girl.
Randomize
