____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
