I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
