whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
