shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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