two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
