True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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