Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
