shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Randomize
