Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
