i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
