Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
