Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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