You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
