Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
