the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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