I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
