went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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