it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
