I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
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