WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
