Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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