Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
