okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
