Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
