I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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