help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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