I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
