I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
